I find myself having a huge craving for real mayonnaise today. Yes, mayonnaise! I love mayo! I’ll eat it on crackers. I love extra mayo on burgers and sandwiches. I love chicken salad that’s positively dripping with mayo. One of my favorite salads is Waldorf salad made with, you guessed it, MAYO.
Not just any mayonnaise will do. I’m partial to Hellmann’s and, believe it or not, the Kroger house brand. Kraft mayo is a little to smooth, too slick, for my palate.
Low-fat and fat-free mayos just don’t cut it. I know. I have tuna in the fridge right now that’s made with Hellmann’s low-fat mayo. I bought the Hellmann’s brand for two reasons: first, it’s Hellmann’s, which makes my favorite real mayo; and second, it takes 2 tablespoons of it to get up to 1 WW Point (and even with as much as I love the stuff, that’s a bit much for a sandwich!). The nicest thing I can say about this low-fat stuff is that it does a good job of holding the tuna together and lubricating the bread. But that’s about all it’s good for. It tastes like paste—or like what I imagine paste tastes like, since I’ve never actually eaten paste. But at least it’s not as sickly-sweet as most of the other low-fat/fat-free mayos on the market.
I had to come in here and write this post, because I’ve already “fallen off the wagon” once this week (had pizza and cookies–yes -ies, plural—on Tuesday) and it’s all I can do to stop myself from getting into the car, driving the two miles over to Kroger, and getting a small jar of mayo and a box of saltines.
My weight goal for Sunday’s weigh-in is 258.6—or a loss of 1.8 lbs. I’m not shooting for the stars here. I just want to hit that 250 mark by March 30. But I know I won’t be able to do it if I let these urges and cravings overwhelm me.
I think, instead, I’ll go in, put on a workout video, and see if I can sweat myself out of this craving. I had Cheerios for breakfast (with skim milk, of course), and a bowl of Healthy Request vegetable-beef soup for lunch—and that was just a little while ago. So it’s not like I’m actually hungry right now. But it’s not like I really want to exercise either. It’s just that the exercise is more likely to get me where I want to go than going to the store and buying mayonnaise is.
You know, there are some days when I really hate that all the foods I’m addicted to and crave are so bad for me. It makes me feel like I’m being punished—that not getting to eat all the foods I adore is a punishment because I’m overweight. Realistically, I know that the reason I’m overweight is not because I like those foods, but because I’ve always overindulged in those foods, consistently and constantly.
I watched the first few episodes of DietTribe last night. I have to agree with Morgan when she broke down and cried, wondering why she and everyone around her (especially her mother) can’t be happy with her at the weight she is—and why should she have to struggle to try to make herself “skinny,” which is what is perceived as beautiful. I have to admit, that thought goes through my head at least on a daily basis. Of course, I have genetic health issues that sort of dictate the need for me to lose weight and get healthy—not necessarily “skinny.” Plus, there’s the fact that if I’m ever going to meet someone who’ll fall in love with me, I need to be able to be confident in my appearance and not self-conscious of my body/shape/size.
I know, I’m rambling here. But the craving hasn’t gone away yet. This was a lot easier when I was working full-time with the girls who are also doing the WW program. I now only see them once a week, at the WW meetings. We used to have lunch together every day and then go to the gym together after work almost every day. Talk about motivation. That was what watching DietTribe made me miss most of all—the daily camaraderie and encouragement of other people who’re going through the same thing I am.
Okay, I’m trudging off to try to exercise now . . .