So . . . here we are again. I am upset with myself that, after all that success I had five years ago losing almost sixty pounds and starting to feel really good physically and emotionally, I’m now almost right back where I started . . . in fact, my initial weight was within 1.5 lbs. of my highest weight ever, which is where I was when I started this journey almost six years ago. Since regaining all of that weight, I’ve struggled not only with depression but with joint and muscular pain, digestive problems, and now I’m testing as pre-diabetic. So it’s time to take action.
When I started working full-time again, I re-joined the Y, less than a mile from my office, and started going. But . . . I didn’t have anyone to go with, which meant not only no support but no accountability to go. And because of the cost of that, I couldn’t afford to re-join Weight Watchers, which was what worked so well for me before.
So when I saw an ad on TV for Curves Complete, which includes not only the workout, but the food plan, weigh-ins, measurements, i.e., ACCOUNTABILITY—for a cost lower than what I was paying monthly for the Y—I had to try it. I was gung-ho for two full weeks (in April). And the second week, I gained three pounds. And all that accountability? I didn’t want someone looking over my shoulder as I did every machine, correcting my technique, telling me I’m not pushing hard enough. I was breathing hard and sweating. That’s hard enough for me!
I stopped going. I made excuses. I carried my gym bag around in the car for weeks; let it sit in my office at work for days at a time.
And the depression, which has never really gone away, started creeping up on me again. It was all I could do to think by the time I got home from work in the evenings—and all I could do to keep myself from crawling into the bed as soon as I walked in the door. Every day, I’ve felt more and more fatigued, fighting falling asleep at my desk, living with fatigue-related headaches every day. And then, I’m not sleeping well at night. I wake up because my back aches or my hip hurts or my leg is cramping.
Enough is enough. Two weeks ago, I went back to Curves. I went Monday and Tuesday. And then I didn’t go Wednesday. Or Thursday and Friday. And I didn’t go at all last week. But this week, I’m back on it. I’ve got to do this for me. For my health now so that I can have a future. So that I can start doing the things I’ve put off or never even considered because my weight/size/out-of-shapeness would be a hindrance. I know it’s going to be rough, and I’m going to want to quit. But I’ve got to do it. And I need to keep track of all the ups and downs so that I can remember where I’ve been to keep my eyes on where I’m going.
Food & Workout Report 7/22/13
Weigh-in: -2.5 lbs
Workout: Complete Curves circuit workout
Food 7/15/13 – 7/21/13:
I wish I could say that the weight loss at today’s weigh-in was due to having stuck to the food plan last week, even though I didn’t make it to Curves to work out once last week. I didn’t though. But, somehow, somewhere mid-week, it was like a switch flipped in my brain and all of a sudden, when I wanted to go out to grab something for lunch, it was a gyro and greek salad (and I took the meat and toppings off the pita and mixed them in with the salad). When I wanted to fix something to eat at home, it wasn’t macaroni and cheese or spaghetti or ramen (all of which I have on hand), it was home-made vegetable-beef soup (made with chuck roast, so I’m actually calling it pot roast–vegetable soup). My cravings for sugars and simple carbs weren’t as bad last week as usual, so that helped, too.
So far, so good today. I had my usual sausage and coffee for breakfast (half-and-half and Splenda in the coffee to keep it low carb). For lunch, I had a 16-ounce serving of the pot roast-veggie soup from yesterday. For my afternoon snack, my indulgence was an Oikos key lime–flavored yogurt cup (most definitely NOT low-carb!). For supper tonight, ham steak and an artichoke with lemon-butter for dipping.
Goals for This Week:
- Remember to wear pedometer every day.
- Try to walk more every day.
- Stick as close to the food-plan I made Sunday as possible.
- Get in at least 3 more workouts at Curves this week.
- Take some “before” photos. I looked for something recent, but I haven’t let anyone take a photo of me in two years (since the one in the previous post) it seems.
- Get back in to see the chiropractor.
- Thirty to forty-five minutes of cleaning/organizing at home every day, including going through and culling the wardrobe and getting rid of clothes I never wear, no matter if they’re “going to fit when I lose weight” or not.
- Grading for Lit class finished before Friday.
- Stay busy and try to keep the depression-based fatigue at bay.
- Finish proofreading An Honest Heart and get corrections back to B&H by deadline!